So Lauren infored me that she saw Grey and Misty sucking face in front of the vending machine. So usually, the guy would eye the exgirlfriend to be like "yeah, I have me a new girl, look, we're kissing in front of you." But instead, it was MISTY who was giving Laruen the "Jealous?" glare.
What Misty doesn't know is that Lauren doesn't care. she was just like "bitch, you can have him, I have a cheese danish I wanna eat!" and left the scene. That's my girl!
Ok, so of all the people I could get a text from in the middle of the night, I got one from my ex, Josh Rutland (we were dating for about a year and two months before i broke up with him. It was too serious). His story was that his phone got in an accident and it broke and he stole a new phone (a week and a half later) and he missed me so much. So as we were catching up, he begs for me back. I honestly love him, but I'm 16 years old and I haven't even had a taste of the "college life" that I've been waiting for because I'm still a Sophmore in high school. He talks to me like I'm 35 and I can support myself. Actually, he says he'll support me and take care of me and I'll never have to feel alone and there will be no money issue. He wants me to be his trophy wife or something. No! A Gold digger! HAHAHA!!! Like he actually has that kind of money.
But that's not the point I'm making. I think Josh would be happier without me. Thoughout our relationship, I've felt like i just abused the fuck out of him, and that's not fair. I want him to be happy, and happy isn't with me. I came to terms with that when I didn't talk to him for almost 2 weeks. I moved on, and it's about time I let him do the same. Shame, because we would have made wonderful babies (half joking).
Thinking about it all, what is marriage? I see my parents fight all the time. That can't be happiness, and if it is, I want to be single for the rest of my life. I don't (fuck people, stop texting me when I'm writing a blog!) want to be with the same guy all my life unless I'm, like 35 with kids, then I understand. I'm a social butterfly, I like new people, I like to try new things and be able to have whatever I want. Have you read Brave New World? They are free to have sex with whoever they want, whenever they want, and they take soma holidays, which is like getting really fucked up high. Doesn't that sound like something you would like?
Maybe I'm crazy, I mean, why would someone like me who hasn't had barely any sex like it and want it so much? Well, to be honest, I don't. I just H-A-T-E the idea that we have to settle down with one person. I H-A-T-E the concept pf falling in love and getting married. I want to have kids, sure, but I also don't want to pick a guy and stay with him forever. I would like to get married, but only if we were to have an open marriage or something. What if I go to a party when I'm 29 and there's a really hot person there and they wanna "try me" (as Brave New World would put it). Well, I would like the choice to do it or not.
That's what it all comes down to: Choice. I want to chose, not have some moral code eating at my conscience saying that I shouldn't this and I shouldn't that. We should ALWAYS have a choice. Falling in love, being in a relationship, that doesn't give you much choice. Maybe I'm weird, maybe I'm wrong. But maybe, just maybe, I'm right in a way too?
Relationship status: Remaining Free!
Birthday: 9/25
Contact Info:
E-Mail: cookiekid93@yahoo.com
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